Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
