New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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