he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
