So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
