After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You made out with two different species that night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
