Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
