Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
