Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
