i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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