By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
