I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
