Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
