Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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