people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
