my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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