i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
