Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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