i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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