Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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