So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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