it hurts more in the daytime
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
