On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
