Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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