If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
