TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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