wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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