i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
