She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
