I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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