State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
