It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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