i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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