Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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