Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
