The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
