I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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