Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
True strength comes from lack of pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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