you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
