He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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