Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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