you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
