my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Still dying that you shit outside
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
