There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
