When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You were trust falling into bushes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
