she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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