he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
