I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
