I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
