guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
