why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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